byChrisWhite – 2014

Now, I reckon I’ve spent so much time this year bemoaning the darker sides of life that I’ve decided it’s high time I made a pivot. A man can only linger in the shadows for so long before he starts to believe the sun has ceased its shining. Perhaps, instead of grumbling over the gravel in my boots, I should shift my focus to the blossoms along the roadside, assuming, of course, I can spot a bloom not yet crushed by the heavy foot of 2014. So, here it is: a resolve to cultivate a lighter theme for the remainder of this year. Maybe even a new theme each year going forward, though that might be a resolution better suited to optimists and the uncommonly wise. Let’s see where this takes us.

My last entry dealt with thinking outside the box, although I assure you that particular box was small, poorly constructed, and filled mostly with loose nails and mismatched socks. It was really intended for my son Jon, who, much to my surprise, often outpaces me in ways I couldn’t have dreamed. In the end, I figured I’d share my reflections with others, perhaps knowing that the stumbling’s of an aging father might amuse more than a few. In the same way, folks watch blooper reels or chuckle at turtles flailing upside down, it’s hardly graceful, but it’s downright human.

What I imagine I’ll end up with here are short but honest vignettes, ramblings of an aging mind, sharpened by missteps and honed by a dash of regret. And since I have a fondness for brevity, those quick, sharp phrases that, like a good sneeze, get to the point without much fuss, I’ve decided to adopt a one-word theme for the rest of this year: GROW.

Now, I don’t know about you, but at this particular age, I rarely enjoy wishing time away. But I must admit, I’m more than ready for the curtain to fall on 2014, and for a new act to begin. Perhaps this word, this little seed of a theme, might be enough to push me through the next few months, and into 2015, with something akin to hope.

It has been, without a doubt, one of the most challenging years yet, and certainly not the vision I had in mind when I imagined my New Year’s resolution. You see, I hadn’t counted on being hurled into an election, nor had I any idea how I might react to it. Turns out I might be growing as both a respectable citizen and a first-rate scoundrel, all in the same breath.

Now, I have found that experience, despite its many virtues, has an unkind way of stifling enthusiasm when it ought to be playing the saxophone. At twenty, life is a symphony of bongos and congas, at fifty, it’s a lonely tambourine, all jingles and shakes. Even old Dick Clark has joined the ranks of my childhood icons who have taken the euphemistic plank-walk off the USS Minnow. And in their stead? Generation X replacements who seem about as familiar to me as algebra does to a cat. Growth, I’ve come to learn, is not always appealing.

There were high points in 2012 and 2013, the trip to Hawaii with Emily, the adventures in Europe with Jon, but this year, with its online inquisition and the ensuing circus, has left me feeling as if someone let the air out of my hot air balloon. Seventy-five percent of folks seemed to enjoy the ride, while the other twenty-five are sharpening their pitchforks.

But here we stand, looking ahead at the blank canvas of 2015. Whatever masterpieces, or scribbles, find their way onto that taut canvas depend on how deftly we wield our brushes and how boldly we mix our colors. The only thing that matters, truly, is that we’re still trying to paint. We may sidestep, even backtrack now and then, but if we’re growing, we’re moving, and that’s something.

The trials of a year like this can either flatten a person or forge them into something sturdier. I’m betting on the latter, though I won’t pretend it’s been easy. Nothing worth having ever is. The pursuit of happiness, the birthright of every soul, cannot be achieved without growth, both emotional and intellectual. Emotional growth means letting ourselves feel, coming to terms with what’s been lost, and embracing what might come next, despite the bruises. Intellectual growth, meanwhile, is pushing our boundaries: learning something new, expanding our horizons, and wandering through unfamiliar territories, both literally and figuratively.

If we aren’t nudging ourselves out of our comfort zones, we aren’t growing. That’s as true as the nose on my face. Attend an art exhibit, read a book that challenges your perspective, consider an opinion different from your own, or take that leap to a place you’ve never been, all of it contributes to growth. Because, you see, it’s in those moments of discomfort that we stretch, and when we stretch, we make room for more of the world to fit inside us.

When life tosses us obstacles, it isn’t the challenge that defines us; it’s our reaction. If we crumble at the first hint of adversity, perhaps it’s time for a broader perspective. Most of what we hear are opinions dressed up as facts, and everything we see is merely a perspective, one that may or may not align with reality. Growth, therefore, is about learning to see clearly, about expanding our vision until what we see feels true. And it’s about refusing to let others dictate the limits of our own horizons. Listen to the good and the bad, truth and lies, then decide for yourself, and in doing so, you’ll find yourself growing.

The word GROW appeals to me for a reason, it encapsulates all sorts of improvement: spiritual, intellectual, familial, even personal. It speaks of an increase, not a loss. Much as I’d love to slam the door on 2014 and pretend it never existed, I know the lessons learned will follow me into 2015, and that, I think, is the essence of growth. It’s taking what you’ve got, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and allowing it to shape you into something more.

So, bring on 2015. I’ll be waiting, perhaps even with a new one-word theme. Though, I must admit, I haven’t quite decided what it’ll be yet.